Self-talk is this internal, ongoing dialogue that sometimes feels like it has a life of its own. It is the silent conversation we hold with ourselves, which holds immense power in influencing our perceptions, emotions, and ultimately, our ability to thrive.
Negative self-talk, characterized by self-criticism, doubt, and fear, can erode our confidence, resilience, and sense of self-worth. Left unchecked, it becomes a barrier to personal growth and fulfillment, both in our lives and in the workplace.
Here's how negative self-talk and the inner critic may show up at work.
Impostor Syndrome: "I don't belong here. Everyone else seems so much more competent and confident than me. They'll realize I'm a fraud soon enough."
Fear of Failure: "I'll never be able to pull this off. What if I make a mistake and everything falls apart?"
Comparison with Others: "Why can't I be as successful as my coworker? They seem to have it all figured out, while I'm struggling to keep up. I'll never be as good as them."
Overgeneralization: "I messed up that presentation. I'm such a failure. This proves I'll never be able to succeed in this job."
Self-Doubt in Decision Making: "I can't trust my judgment. What if I make the wrong decision and it costs the company money or damages our reputation? I should just play it safe and avoid making any decisions."
Over the past few years, I have spent a lot of time evaluating my own self-talk given the profound impact it can have in how I approach a situation and lead others. Admittedly, my self-talk was not always as supportive as how I would talk to others or allow myself to be spoken to by others. As a parent, I focus on the self-talk that I see in my children—helping to mold it in these developing years. After all, we spend the most time with ourselves.
I have included below some ways that I found helpful in addressing and molding this internal dialog.
It starts by first noticing—being aware of how we are feeling and reacting to a situation.
Second, evaluate whether we are approaching it from a more negative or positive orientation. What are the feelings trying to tell us about the situation? What are the facts vs. the perceptions/assumptions and feelings about the situation?
When I have explored this, I work on reframing by trying to see the positive and opportunity in the situation. As part of this exercise, perspective plays a strong role.
Take a look at the power of changing one thought as we simply reframe the earlier examples to replace the negative self-talk with affirming self-talk, which makes an empowering difference.
Impostor Syndrome: "My unique skills, experiences, and perspective contribute value to this team. I have earned my place through hard work and dedication."
Fear of Failure: "Mistakes are opportunities for growth, and I have the skills and resilience to overcome any challenges that may arise."
Comparison with Others: "I celebrate the success of my coworkers, knowing that we each have our own strengths and areas of expertise. I am on my own journey, and I am proud of my progress and accomplishments."
Overgeneralization: "Making a mistake does not define my abilities or potential. It's a chance to learn and improve. I have succeeded in the past, and I will continue to succeed in the future."
Self-Doubt in Decision Making: "I trust my instincts and judgment. I am capable of making sound decisions based on my knowledge and expertise. Taking calculated risks is part of growth and innovation."
No, your negative self-talk may not change overnight. Mine didn’t. It takes practice to move out of negative self-talk into more affirming inner language. It is something worth practicing since our personal voice sets the stage to thrive both personally and professionally.